Parenting is a job. And in every workforce there are work ethics and rubric that you must adhere to in order to be good at what you do.
In my own opinion, I don’t think that any parent is bad. I believe that every parent wants the best for their child.
The difference between two parents is just their parenting tactics and according to the law of Sir Isaac Newton: “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”. This reaction could yield either a good or a bad result.
Below are some good parenting skills that every parent should practice.
Be your child’s No 1 Fan.
A lot of teenagers are on the road to self discovery. As a result they find themselves needing the validation of other people. Sadly, some of these teenagers don’t get this form the right people—their parents. And because they really need this validation, they tend to get it by any means both necessary and unnecessary.
Some of the means include:
- Doing drugs.
- Prostituting to get money trending fashion et al.
However, some teenagers are quite grounded; hence, they can hardly resort to any of these vices. But that does not mean that they don’t need a little oomph on their self esteem. When they don’t get it, they become reclusive.
This type of teenagers is the ones you see eating alone at extreme end of the cafeteria room. They are usually sad, sulky and very prone to certain secret addictions like masturbation.
As a parent, you need to step in the gap and become your child’s biggest fan and cheer leader more than anybody else.
Being your child’s biggest fan gives him or her sense of belonging and oomph’s up their confidence in more ways than one.
Let your child know that you got their back no matter what. Every human being young and old, needs a ride or die in their corner, become that for your child.
Be the boss, set the rules is good parenting for teenagers.
Kids and teenagers do not like to be bossed around, that part is true. But that does not mean that they don’t need it.
There are two stages in one’s life: the apprentice stage and the master stage, anybody who became a master without passing through the apprentice stage is like a person riding in a car with deflated tires and I can’t imagine how frustrating that journey will be.
One of the worst things that can happen to a person is to not have anybody they can listen to.
Life itself is a road. Anybody navigating it needs a compass.
Be the first compass your child needs in this world. You can become your child’s compass when you understand that you are not your child’s ‘friend’, you are the leader and actually start acting like it by stating the rules and seeing that your child abides by them.
Loosen the reins, let them be them.
As a parent, it is understandable for you to always want to be there for and protect your child; you just want to pull your child to particular side of life.
The reason for this attitude of some parents is that:
- Even before they became a parent they have created a mental picture of the kind of child they want to raise.
- They are afraid of the public backlash they are going to get if they raise a child that is uncomplimentary to their public statue.
For the reasons mentioned, they try to mold their child into who they want them to be instead letting their child fight to blossom on their own grounds and by their own watering.
What some of these parents don’t understand is that when you try too hard to pull somebody to a particular side, the opposite side becomes more fascinating.
Good parenting practice requires that you let your child go out there and experience the world; let them make their mistakes and learn from them, they will become better people by them.
Loosen the reins on your child but let them know that you will always be there if they need you.
Use the active words when talking to your child who is in a funk, instead of the patronizing words.
The thing about using some of these patronizing words when talking to people who are in a funk is that they are able to see through it; they are able to decipher the message it conveys—they message that they are weak and incompetent.
This type of message can demoralize anyone. So, if you really want to help your child get out of the funk, then use more of the active words like “go do it, I know you can”. But if you choose to say something like “it is OK Honey, just give a trial” then that is exactly what “Honey” is going to do—“try” not “do”.
I know that this opinion is a little heterodoxy but I remember that when I was a teenager, I always preferred my parents to be straight with me. I preferred them to look me in the eye and tell me to stop winning and get out there and win because I am winner.
Those kinds of words always spurred me to action and it is my guess that a lot of teenager are like that too.
Be a good provider, as a good parent.
By being a good provider, I am not only talking about money but I also mean be a provider of encouragement, love, support and most importantly, peace.
The importance of a peaceful home to the mental and social well-being of a child cannot be over emphasized. Any child from a chaotic home grows up to become either violent or timid.
You know these types of kids by their anti-social behavior.
Teach your child the value of money.
The first lesson every good parent should teach their child is the value of money. No matter how rich you are as a parent giving your child access to money anytime they ask for it is a bad parenting tactics. Not only will it make the child to disregard the potency of money but it will also make that child think every theory that says “work to make money” is laughable.
It is no gainsay that the next most valuable thing after life is money. So how come some people are prudent with everything but money even when they are broke? It is my guess that this flaw in character ethic can be traceable to a person’s upbringing and has nothing to do with being rich or poor.
Continuing to pay for your child’s tuition after first degree is not a good idea. I think that a parents business with their child’s education—monetarily—should end after first college degree. If your child wishes to go further for Masters or Doctorate degrees, then, let him or her pay for it by working and schooling at the same time.
Let your child pay part of his or her tuition no matter how rich you are. This may seem like a no brainer to some parents but the thing is, handing people big things on a platter makes them value it less.
Teach your child to be responsible with money at a young age.
Rebuke your child when they err is good parenting.
The reason a lot of parents doesn’t rebuke their children when they err is because they treat their child as their friend.
Dear parent, you are not your child’s friend.
When you bring a child into this world your responsibility is to lead and guide that child. It is true that as the year rolls by your style of guidance changes.
But that does not mean that you will stop being a parent and take up the role of a friend. Your child will have to go outside to make friend.
Again, it is your responsibility to see that your child surround himself or herself with the right people because the wrong company destroys a good destiny.
Starting early enough to practice the act of rebuking your child when they err will not only save your from themselves but also you.
Resist that temptation to be the “cool parent” because it is a costly mistake with a dire consequence.
This is a good parenting tactics that no parent should ignore no matter what.
Respect your child’s privacy
What is good for the goose is good for the gander. As you need your privacy because you are an adult, so does your child need their privacy and, yes because he or she is a child.
Do you knock before you enter their room or do you just berg in because you own the house?
Do you ask them before taking their things or do you just take them because you probably bought them yourself?
As a parent, you might not agree with this but your child’s things are not yours even if you bought them.
It is true that you should keep an eye on your child, but still give them their space.
Dictatorship is different from leadership. Being dictatorial with your child is only going to make him or her “fear” you but not respect you. And, of course, there is a difference.
Be your child’s alarm clock is good parenting practice.
Every teenager faces the challenge of losing their focus every now and then. There is so much around for their minds to absorb and retain.
Their energy is so much that they feel they can do it all at once so they get involved with many activities and the worst part about it is that some of these activities are not in line with their dreams and aspirations.
With so much to ogle at, they tend to forget and sometimes ignore the consequential.
Some of the things that kids and teenagers forget are:
- The family values.
- Their purpose.
- Who they are.
- Where they come from.
It is therefore imperative that every parent should watch closely to see when their child’s attention is distracted from their purpose or when their child is ignoring the things that should matter most to them and making the inconsequential a priority, and then call their child’s attention to the consequences of such behavior.
Be your child’s role model your.
I don’t know about you but I always feel good when hear a kid say such things as “ my mom/dad is my role model” because that is how it should be.
Practice what you preach. You cannot tell your child not to smoke or drink alcohol but every day you come home reeking of alcohol and cigarette.
With some kinds of children your word will become commonplace when you don’t practice what you preach because children are very practical people.
Very few legacies live on after we are gone and one of those legacies is your child. This is why one of the worst failures in life is failure as a parent.
Now that you have the opportunity, I advise that you invest in your child/children. That is the greatest and lasting invest.
Did I miss something? Please, do let us know your own ideas on good parenting in the comments section below.