I hate you!” “I hate you right back”, “I want you out of this house”, “this is my home too so I am going nowhere”. Those were the words of Alice’s Parents arguing at 5: am in the morning.
Alice groaned, yawned and twisted in bed. She had to defy every nerve in her body urging her to go back to sleep. How could she go back to sleep with all that noise and unprintable word oozing from the next room? She slid out of bed and with unsteady feet, left the room.
Standing in-between her parents, telling them to stop disrupting the peace of the entire neighborhood had become a daily routine for Alice.
Going down memory lane, Alice could recall her first year in college. How she had got a call from her neighbor narrating the nasty display of obscenity by her parents when they engaged in a brawl in broad day light, which got them arrested by the police for public misconduct.
That was Alice’s home but obviously she is far from home. But it is my guess that this is also the story of a lot of people—both young and old, today.
The home is supposed t o be a place of rest and comfort but it’s so sad that some homes have become a battlefield.
Parents’ feud could really mess with ones mine and mental health. So, I have listed below a couple of things you could do if you find yourself in the middle of parents’ feud or fight.
Walk to the scene calmly
This means is to approach the scene of the fight with caution and soberness. When we are racing towards something, in that moment we are in a state of anxiety and anxiousness. Under that condition, we can make rash and irrational decisions.
Approaching the scene of a fight between your parents with all that hot blood could make you pick up an object and cause bodily harm to either parent; doing that will not put an end to the fight but will be the beginning of it.
I recall a story i read in one of the dailies about a boy who shot his father in the head because he wouldn’t stop beating his mother. And of course he was imprisoned.
Try to get the angriest person out of the room
Some people have tried to break up a fight and got hurt or hurt someone in the process. So, when you are trying to break up a fight between your parents, keep your temper under control. Get the angriest person out of the room and take them to some place quieter with a good source of amusement e.g. the movies or a sports bar. But if you can’t afford any of those, take him or her to church.
Whilst there, try not to talk about what had happened. Focus on having a good time.
Check one parent into a hotel or get them to go stay with a relative for a few day. This would give both parents time to calm down and also prep them for a resolution.
Call the other parent at home.
Do not make the other parent feel neglected or ‘uncared’ for. Call him or her as often as you can afford to.
No matter who you think is the problem, always remember that your feuding parents are people who used to love each other but now, things are falling apart.
Definitely, they are both having a hard time. So try to be there for both of them.
When the dust settles a bit, have a heart to heart with both parents
Now, this part could be a little overwhelming because emotions could run wild and things could get out of hand. But this is the most important part of this article.
This is the part where you let both parents know—in the most respectful way, that this is not just about them, it’s about you too.
Vent your frustrations. Let them know that what they are doing is affecting your mental well-being. It’s about time they had a resolution and state where they stand with each other.
When an inside dialogue yields no good, involve an outdider
The above dialogue session should suffice if your parents are quite rational. But if they are not, then I think this is the part where you invite an outside help.
Though I am not an enthusiast of this approach, because I believe that what goes on in the family should stay in the family. But how do you define a family? A family is not about whose blood you carry, it’s about whom you love and who loves you.
So, look for those people that genuinely have your family’s interest at heart. It must not be a relative but someone your parents respect.
If the fighting persists look for a temporal alternative home.
Though you might get a lot of backlash from people if you leave, Like you don’t care whether your parents kill each other or not. Some people will expect you to stick around to broker peace between your parents when the fight is going down. But believe me when i say that this backlash will come from people who just don’t get it. They will call you names like insensitive, irrational etc. but the truth is that, you are a human being with dreams and goals.
Every couple who are having irreconcilable differences has either of these choices:
- Separate from each other.
- Forgive each other and put an end to the fighting or even call a truce and then take it from there.
But if they decide against any of these options and, instead, choose to war it out with each other, then i don’t think that it is right for their child to be a part of all that negativity. I stand to be corrected here though.
Time and tide waits for no one. The earlier you left, went into the world and joined the hustle, the better. Because all that fighting and screaming that your parents are doing, is a huge distraction.
However, If you cannot afford a place of your own or too young to rent a house; then you might consider moving in with a relative in the meantime. Or if you come from a country where the system provides foster care homes, you might need to go for that option.
Pray for them.
What more can you do for your family at this point than to pray for your family. Ask God to restore the peace and love that once radiated in your home.
I believe that no couple started fighting from day one. Whatever was broken could still be mended with prayers.
Call your parents from time to time. Let them know that you love them no matter what.
image credit: huffingtonpost.ca